The A Day – the kick start of an awakening

25 04 2011

We’ve made arrangements for my weekly KL trip for the next day and decided to visit my panel clinic after office hour. Within 30 seconds of telling the doctor that this is my 3rd visit in 3 weeks, and I’m starting to feel a lump under my ears, he reacted differently like a sleepy person just got injected with caffeine.

He started caressing my neck and start asking if there are also any swelling on the other lymph areas. Checked my eyes and palms, he confirmed that I am pale. Duh! Immediately issued a reference letter to Johor Specialist Hospital and demanded for my poor life for me to cancel my KL trip. He even insisted me to go the hospital that very night. After much hesitation, I cancelled the KL trip.

That night I can’t sleep well. The date was 12 March 2011. The morning was normal, I came to office waited until a cool 8.45 AM to visit the HR department. Requested a guarantee letter for my specialist visit. Reached the hospital around 11 AM, and managed to see the doctor around noon.

Now I am afraid of needles or anything remotely sharp and being poked unto my skin. It’s rather comical now for someone who is this profoundly cowardly of needles is now a blood cancer patient. I literally took blood test maybe around 5 years once, and now I’m being needled every 2 days. A Branulė is constantly in my arm. And I’m gonna be an Ironman wannabe later with a Chemo-Port to be installed to my chest. We will get to that much later.

Took blood samples, chest x-rays, neck and stomach CT scans; I see the same doctor again around 5.30.

He looked at the reports and the outcome is not good. Early prognosis say’s that I got lymphoma cancer and I MUST be warded that night and may not work for AT LEAST 3 months. I acted cool. Salespeople has this skills and experiences in putting blank emotionless face. Tried to ask intelligent questions and went out of the doctor’s office calm and poised. Found a corner and I broke down. 

It feels like I had my luck and good fortune for the first 30 years of my life; and now I’m ran out of luck. I am at the pinnacle of my life and its all sliding downhill from now on. For the rest of my 30 years.

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2 responses

25 04 2011
Fazilah Abbas

Thanks for sharing Zul…. I hope your sharing will help us in understanding what you’re going thru and also in a way helps us to get to know you better too. May Allah bless you and give you a smooth journey thru your medical ‘adventure’… Amin.

26 04 2011
tengkurozina

my heart goes out to you zul..it bring tears to my eyes aft reading ur 2nd blog.. be strong k.

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